Interesting times

Hey everyone! How has the new year been treating you? I for one cannot beleive how fast it's going already, I mean it's almost February...which means Valentines Day :)...which also means hanging with my girlies.
Moving onto more pressing matters, I have titled this blog "Interesting Times" because for me, lately has been rather interesting, if not discouraging, crazy, fun, stressful all at the same time. I think it is definately a heart issue. Well actually I'm not entirelly sure anymore. You see over this past (2009 til late) year, my walk with God has never been so like horrid. I mean I havnt gone completely off the rails, I'm not like out selling drugs or anything like that, but I may as well be. You see the pressures in my society to party has been taking it's toll on me, and whole I'm proud to say I still have not been to a party (and still plan on continuing not to conform to that lifestyle), I have been severely tempted to just do it. Which would mean going against everything I believe in, rebelling against my parents, hurting myself and leaving a bad example for those who know me, but most of all it'll hurt Jesus. And thats what really scares me the most..or atleast thats what I'm hoping. You see at this present state i dont even know if I love Him anymore, if i truelly deeply want to seek Him and His will, ya know. ggrrrrrrrrrrr! It's so depressing! and yet through this He's showing how much He loves me, still. LIke even after all the negativity, after the constant modd swings and the never-ending selfish desires, He still loves me. This breaks my heart. I just want to want Him more...
Funny thing is after spending a week at my dear friend Mels house, I've learned so many of us young people are going through this. We have come to this place where we're feeling soo lost and so discouraged. Our fleshly desires are building up, causing rebellion in the homes, and leaving us hurt and broken. I actually cannot beleive how many of us (including myself) are just so like "anti parents" right now. It's unbeleivable.* We want God but arnt doing anything about it. We want to serve others, but arnt sure how. We are aching (cant spell that word) for answers, but arnt willing to look for them at the same time. All this confusion leaves us empty and doubtful.
And amazingly enough today I was reading my Word when I opened to Isaiah 60. Now this chapter is big in my home btw. My mother has been getting this for seven years (which is why we're in desperate hope for a worldwide revival btw)and so I've been reading this alot especially lately. But today verse 2 of the chapter stuck out like red on white. It reads
'For behold, the darkness shall
cover the earth,
And deep darkness the people;
This is whats going on people!! and I just couldnt see it until today! I mean talk about amaaazing! It just makes so much sense. This is why the church is suffering, this is why the young people are simply losing it. We have been faced with the darkness, and I feel God saying to endure. We need to hold on, and do our best to overcome this until this period of 'doubt' passes. I do apologise if this makes no sense to some of you. You peeps are mainly in America and mayby spiritually you're all doing great. But in my country there's devision, and there isn't unity. The churches that do exist have become dry and lukewarm, if you will, and God has plans of an outpouring I know it, i've just gotta get that vision back for myself. Still cant understand how my mother is still so strong..sorry this very muddled.
And also sorry cos I'm gonna stop short. It is midnight after all and well I just cant seem to write proper blogs I feel, they're never like put in proper, heck cant think of the word, like formatting? I keep going off on tangants.sigh.
Keeps strong, and please pray for me :)
God bles yall.
ps there'll was so much i wanted to talk about but i keep.. yeah.