Happy New Year

Yes it is 2012! Woohoo! How quick has this month gone! Already its the 25th and before ya know it will be Febuary. Kinda a scary thought about how quickly time flies. Funnily enough I have tried to write this entry like five times. I keep logging on and then fail to finish it. Anyway I'm not sure what I'll write about this month. How did yall celebrate your New Years? Mine consisted of Lemon, Lime and Bitters and the Amanda Show. Have you seen it? Its rather amusing and I rather like her character. Anyway the night was quiet and I'm not even sure whether I made it to twelve or not. I had work the next day you see so I tried to have an earlysih evening. I'm still pretty bad with bedtimes. I've somehow got into a very bad routine where I lay my head at 10.30-11ish on the nights I have work (shocking!) and then like 1-2 am on my days off. I keep reminding myself of the verse " For so He gives His beloved sleep"..but I have yet to be influenced by that. Anyway I had about nine days off work over the Christmas period (I started back on Jan 1st) and let me tell you it was bliss! The first few days were consumed with Christmas prep which was lovely. On Christmas night, the nephews came and then half the family went camping on Boxing Day. This left my youngest brother Michael and myself (aswell as mum and dad) at home. So Mike and I decided to have our own fun. We actually created a Summer List which you can find: here. Our one was different slightly. But is it not such a brilliant idea?! And a really good way to be intentional about the summer. It was really good that my brother was so into too. Hes kinda getting to the age where in possibly three months, he wont want to be seen with me, which will hurt but I wont be bitter ;) Anyway I am getting slightly side-tracked. My fam are such big movie buffs, therfore our list mainly consisted of movies. He bought me a few girly ones for Christmas and there were other ones that we knew we would not get away with watching when the others returned home. I'll spare my brother the embarrassment of mentioning the movie titles ;) Other ideas include roasting marshmellows, a waterfight, sleeping out on the trampoline, have a badminton tournament, and also a sleepover in the lounge. We havnt completed everything on our list as some things we've saved for the rest of the summer, and for when the boys had arrived home again. So we only did a few of them. Sleeping out on the trampoline was probably one of my favs :) The night was perfect. Not hot. Not cold. Perfect. Had a funny moment trying to zip up my sleeping back in the dark. We had both my cellphone light and a torch, yet even so it took like honestly 20 minutes to accomplish. Crazy huh. Anyway that wee break has come and gone and I am currently on my second holiday if you will. I have two weeks off and will be back at work this coming Monday (30th):( I'm not really looking forward to it to be honest. Like I know it's what I'm meant to be doingright now, but even so.. But hey isn't life like that. Full of periods where you'll doing things that you dont really want to do..but you know it's right. I really love this quote that I came across through twitter. "An unbeleiver does what he feels like. A beleiver does what is right." Bill Johnson. It kinda says it all really. As Christians we are no longer living for ourselves, but for Christ who dwells in us. We're not supposed to be living by our feelings, but by Holy Spirit who leads us. We have feelings but we dont need to live by them.Obviously we cannot live perfect lives. As much as I want to, my perfectionist side cries out. Ughh I fail so much. In fact this leads me to my next topic really. I wont go too deep into details, but I wanna be honest. This last week, my feelings have been driving me crazy. I said some things, shared some things..things that should not have been let out of my mind. Okay I'll just say it. I let a particular male back into my life. I knew I had to make peace with him..but I unfortunately well fell for him, again. I should have known better than to have just run with my affections, if you will. I know it was wrong, and I have unfortunately hurt him once again :( Its really lame, and deep down I know I have issues to deal with involving my heart and my souls desire for significance and well attention really. And I can only find that in Christ. And I know that. And yet for some reason, I keep running. I keep fighting to spread my own wings and do what I WANT to do. But that's not right. I know God yearns for all of me, not some of me. He wants my whole heart. Oh Jesus, help me to surrender to You. Everything, Lord. Everything that hinders love, help me God to give it to You. You only can satisfy. Your plans for me are so much bigger than my own. Lord I surrender. Amen. Anyway enough about that. I should share with you all about my current holiday. And my current obbsession with the Eiffel Tower...Mayby next post ;)